Friday, June 10, 2005
i miss you. it's crazy. i spend time thinkin about you before i sleep. sooo much time. thinkin about those wonderful time we had. and thinkin about what will happen in the near future. im soo afraid to lose you. im so afraid that things will change. im jus sooo afraid. come back to me. come back n o w.
im afraid to lose things. my things. i hate it when they jus slip off my finger. without me knowing. and without my consent. be it things or people. it hurts. to feel unwanted. yes. it hurts bigg deal. i jus wan this feelin to go away. i know that things will not be the same. like those happy times we had. or was it. those unhappy times we had. ha. it's crazy. i cant even tell when i am happier. now or before. when last time we fought like nobody's business. or now. when things are jus fine. maybe too fine. maybe im jus being paranoid. i am beginning to think that pple are onli pretendin to like me. and are onli saying the things that i wan to hear. jus to make me not so sad. i cant sae happy. cos. i kinda forgot how it feels to be happy. when was the last time i was genuinely happy. i cant evn answer myself. was it tt dae when i caught up w my oldie frends. or was it tt day when i dined with u. or was it tt dae when we studied. i realli duno.
maybe he was right. i am a failure. yeas. i am. those certs. those money. those fame. they are fake. they were all lies. they were jus a dream. and i jus broke up from a broken dream. it wasnt bcos i was competent. it was jus bcos i was lucky. i was jus lucky in that blue blouse and grey uniform.
im losing confidence once again. help. :'(


shedded at 11:28 PM

MYSELF!
Felicia
Victoria-JC
Seventeen-Plus
Eighteen-October
Feli_cia36@hotmail.com
LOVES!
Volleyball
Fei Fei
Family
Xiao Ming
Years in Cedar
Mahjong Gang
Being Loved
WINNING(money and competitions)
EAT!

HATES!
Liars
Being Unwanted
To Lose
Having Regrets
Nightmares
all the IF ONLYs